Don't let me go

When I decided to move back home, I knew I was going to have problems adjusting. For four years I lived in a real city. I was out on my own, making my own decisions, and living life how I wanted. It was tough out there, but I loved it. I knew that moving back home meant I no longer had to work multiple jobs and live off free coffee and pastries from the Bean. Moving back home meant working one job will finally suffice and I could come home to a real meal. I knew it would come to the expense of my freedom, but that was okay. I was going to be home with my family and since I would be working in San Francisco, I could still live a "part-time city life."

I never once thought my best friends would be the toughest part about moving back. I surely thought it would be my family. Mom is always nagging. Little Sister is in her teenage years, always hiding in her room and on Facebook. Little Brother is slowly becoming a man, but still hasn't owned up to the title of "man of the house." They drive me crazy. Some nights I come home from work and all I want to do is drink and go to sleep, but when I wake up in the morning, I'm thankful for them. I didn't expect my friends to drive me insane.

I spend much of my time wondering if it's how I've changed that's affecting how I feel about them. I worry that because I now have a degree to my name, it comes off that I'm all high-strung, pretentious, and big-headed because I honestly feel that "they're not up to my level." And when I say that, I don't mean that they're not as "smart" as me or they don't make as much money as I do, which really is not much but it beats working an hourly wage at the cafe. I mean "not up to my level" as in being understanding, being aware of others, being as open-minded, and overall just being a respectable adult.

I hate it when Lion criticizes someone's food in their own homes. It's incredibly rude, especially when it's in the home of a dear friend who was gracious enough to invite us over when she knew we didn't have any plans to be with our own families. I saw her take her first bite of Thanksgiving dinner, throw her fork down, and mutter "Ugh. Under-seasoned." Pen nodded in agreement. I was so disgusted and ashamed to call these people my friends. This kind of stuff happens all the time. And it angers me because Lion and Pen don't even cook. Cooking to them is opening a can of sloppy joe sauce, mixing it with some ground beef, and toasting the buns. Baking to them is box-ready made stuff. Their regular diet composes of Popeye's fried chicken and McDonald's chicken nuggets if Pen's mom didn't pack some food for them to take home as left-overs.

I hate how Pen acts like a know-it-all and put others down. Pen is a biochemistry major and so she is required to take the harder chemistry series. I know that chemistry is not my strongest point and I was a life science major, so I was only required to take the easier series. Pen knows that and whenever we get into a discussion about science, she doesn't budge on her stance. There is no room for discussion with her. She is right because she took the harder chemistry series and therefore she is smarter than me. I worry sometimes that since I now have a degree under my belt that I get all high-headed on my friends. But I realized that if I really am that stuck up, I would have argued back that I have my degree from a UC and so my "easier" chemistry series is equivalent to her "tougher" state school level courses. (I'm sorry if that statement offended anyone. I really don't feel that way. It's just an example of if I were a total know-it-all scum bag.)

Is what I'm asking of my best friends too much? I just want to them to be aware of themselves, aware of how they present themselves, to be better understanding people, and to be grateful for what they have. I feel that until they learn these life lessons and "catch up" to me, I don't want them in my life. I freak out and stress about my own family problems and about my future to have to worry their issues. And they're not the only friends I have. Some of the good great friends that I made while in LA are living in San Jose. I've met a group of amazing people from work. There's so much going on that I feel held back by these friends. But what kind of friend am I to just leave them? But what's it going to take for them to finally grow up?